Things Ceci and me will do this summer*

-Go to Warped Tour
-Go Swimming
-Do work with Amigis
-Watch Public Enemies

List is open for revision*

Things Saenz and I will do this Summer*

-Make Vane her Senior Crown (Because she has Senioritis)
-Go to SPI/Corpus with Ceci and Vane
-Buy Moby Dick


*This list is open for revision

Gaydar

. . . . so I wanted to know if this guy was gay. I check his myspace and he had Taylor Swift's "Love Story" as his Myspace song.

I didn't even need to check his orientation information. He HAS TO BE Gay/Bi/<>.

My gaydar also goes haywire with Lady Gaga's on a guy's myspace.

I'm not ready.

I have realized that the future freaks me out.

I always thought that my future plans would work out if I planned everything. I've come to learn that the unexpected CAN happen and I'm shocked to say the least. The unexpected is Life.

I've started questioning the decisions I've made so far and weighted the possibilities that I've made some mistakes. Specifically, leaving out of town for college and maybe I shouldn't write off writing as a career.

I don't have a gut feeling anymore.

These mental pressures have left me prone to anxiety attacks for the past few weeks. I'll get lost in my thoughts and suddenly my self-questioning pops up:

"I shouldn't leave!" "You are going to come back in a year" "I'm going to graduate college with $22,000 + in loan debt" "You are going to regret not writing" "You are too young to know what you're doing" "You are settling"

I am not sheltered anymore from reality. I'm not ready.

Maybe it's a sign

I might not get a $20,000 dollar scholarship because I don't know my real father.


. . . and then I'll end up at Laredo Community College. I might not go to A&M because I got disqualified from the $20,000 dollar Regents scholarship because I put "unknown" under my father's education. That simply mistake could possibly make me end up staying here in Laredo. I don't even know the guy, haven't seen him since I was two, how would I know how far he went in his education?

Besides, it was my mother's struggle to better our lives and the lack of a secondary education that pushed me to strive for more in my education.

I am not even sure what I'm going to do because I applied for housing, new student conference, and whatnot at A&M. I might have to go for one year because I planned for everything except that I would be fucked over by this discrepancy in my financial aid.

Awesome. 12 years of hard work, fucked up by a person whom I don't even know.

This is the story of my life.

Maybe it's a sign I'm suppose to stay here. or leave. We'll know by August.