I'm not ready.

I have realized that the future freaks me out.

I always thought that my future plans would work out if I planned everything. I've come to learn that the unexpected CAN happen and I'm shocked to say the least. The unexpected is Life.

I've started questioning the decisions I've made so far and weighted the possibilities that I've made some mistakes. Specifically, leaving out of town for college and maybe I shouldn't write off writing as a career.

I don't have a gut feeling anymore.

These mental pressures have left me prone to anxiety attacks for the past few weeks. I'll get lost in my thoughts and suddenly my self-questioning pops up:

"I shouldn't leave!" "You are going to come back in a year" "I'm going to graduate college with $22,000 + in loan debt" "You are going to regret not writing" "You are too young to know what you're doing" "You are settling"

I am not sheltered anymore from reality. I'm not ready.